On Sexuality

A self portrait short film.

So many different people inside, why just pick one? 

FemZen - Bienvenue

Howdy folk.  I made FemZen because I read a ton of Feminist, Zen, and Buddhist literature.  Why not?  I'd like to gather some feedback and opinions on some key ideas focusing around these three topics and new age thought in general.

I'm definitely no expert on ANY topic, I just like to be curious.  BE CURIOUS WITH ME, EH?

ps. 

I say fuck and shit alot, just fyi.

-FemZenner
 

1. EGO

I wake up in a film of sweat and the covers are like a fucking fire-blanket--throw that shit off and give me the ice, y'all! 

My cats are all pissy and squeeze out of the heap of covers.  Yeah, fuck y'all too. 

I've been a "real person" (graduated) for three days and I've spent about 70% of my time sleeping.  A wonderful wonderful reality as opposed to the 4 (rather, 8) years of dehydration and unrest.

I feel like a total nutbag sometimes walking around Downtown LA.  Why?  Because of who the city sometimes makes you be.  It's almost as if being around other people I feel obligated to go into "me" mode.  My ego is much more likable and charming than I am…Duhr. 

My ego is:
    An actor (not -tress, I can be a dude too), artist, musician of sorts…
    Weird girl, obnoxious little kid, super intellectual witty smart ass.
    A-student, cat lady, etc.
 

What is your ego made up of? 
How and why do you feed your ego?
Do you want to be identified by any of these labels?  Why or why not? 

What emotional or psychological need does it fulfill?

How about this:  YOU ARE NOT SPECIAL. 
As Tyler Durden says, "Tyler Durden: You're not your job. You're not how much money you have in the bank. You're not the car you drive. You're not the contents of your wallet. You're not your fucking khakis. You're the all-singing, all-dancing crap of the world."

And again:

Tyler Durden: Listen up, maggots. You are not special. You are not a beautiful or unique snowflake. You're the same decaying organic matter as everything else.


That seems harsh to say you're not special (so if you're offended then write me a strongly worded letter of complaint, please);  However, you are not special because no one is special.  We are all just here.  There is no such thing as special--it's a word like perfect, good, or god (completely subjective). 
You don't need to become anything else because you are perfectly capable of happiness as you are now. 

None of us actually NEED any of the shit that we have, we just think we do.  Or we WANT it.  and WANT is so god damn easy, isn't it?  HA.

Now's about time for a meditation:
    *Breathing in*  - I am alive.
    *Breathing out* - I am calm.
    In (Calm)
    Out (Authentic)
    In (Whole / any other words you want that are warm and comforting to you).
    Out (est ce ce qu'elle a dit).

 Tehehe.




2. POOR LITTLE RICH GIRL SYNDROME:

When rich people (notice how girl is in the title, because men could never be poor and little, OBVIOUSLY…they're men, right?  pffcku)
So…When rich people complain about their terribly difficult lives to people who actually have more "difficult" lives. 

The term difficult refers to two different things here:  to the PLRG, difficult refers to emotional heaviness whereas with the Non-PLRG, difficult refers to financial suffering.  Two VERY different things. 

Can we please focus more on separating money from happiness?!  Time and time again we've seen rich people perish at their own hand or even more tragic--old and lonely in an old folks jail or supershiny mansion.  

Money is a curse AND a blessing.  I'm not saying that homeless people skip about the streets all happy (although some do--it's great); however, the issue is seeking something EXTERNAL to fulfill an INTERNAL desire/want/need, which is happiness.  

I grew up with practically every material gift I could ever want.  Before I could express a need I had what I needed.  In fact, I didn't express needs--I didn't have them.  I was meant to be a cute little object all dolled up in matching designer kids outfits with my sister.  We were treated almost as accessories--a giant advertisement as to why the ____ family is so fucking happy, beautiful, and BETTER THAN everyone else.  The same reason advertisements are so ridiculous--they give us a shell of how to project ourselves into the world.  How we "ought to" be in order to be "accepted into society." 

FUCK THAT.  In fact, people that prescribe to this idea are the loneliest people on the planet because often they form very superficial relationships based on the facade they think the belong to.  This is an entirely long and complicated way to say:

The things people "have" or what people "are"  mean jack shit about their happiness or who they actually are.  Just don't judge people, okay?  Meet them first, shake their dog-shit-smelly hand, then decide that they're an asshole.  Just don't try to guess about it before you get a whiff of the dog shit.